trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
