I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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