weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
