I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
