This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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