She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
