Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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