how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
