Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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