Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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