I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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