"it" just moved
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I just put wine in my tea
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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