I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
