I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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