My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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