So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?