i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life