if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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