There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Are my feet made of real feet?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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