u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
