He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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