Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
