HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
