I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
