I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
