Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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