my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
