So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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