Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
