We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
