I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
