I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
