What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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