why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
