Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
