Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
