I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
