Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
