hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
