I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
