New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
