Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.