I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...