I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
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you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?