I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks