...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.