Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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