Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
