It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
