A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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