i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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