so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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