You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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