I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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