Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
