no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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