Im at strip club and am horny
Christians are straight up FREAKS
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
