Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
