im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fuck appropriateness.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
