My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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