I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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