Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize