Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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