I wish my penis had an off switch
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
