Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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