how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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