I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
