I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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