Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
