Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am one with the molecules
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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