There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
