You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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