before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just had sex bonerless
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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